JUNE 10, 2007

This is the season for graduation. Last week I celebrated the Mass on Saturday for our St. John of God eighth graders and on Sunday for the Law School of Duquesne University. It is traditional that students are tested to see if they have acquired the requisite learning allowing them to graduate, and then at the graduation ceremonies to fill them with good advice for the rest of their lives. Today, I am going to do both at once. Following there will be several aphorisms of advice and folk wisdom, phrased in an erudite (that means using big words) way.

(For example:
Constant application
Without recreation
Makes the Baptist's namesake's reputation
Devoid of scintillation!
Translation: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.)

As a graduation test, translate the following into common clichés:
1. Refrain from exuding moisture because of diminutive elemental matter.
2. The prompt pecker procures the parasite.
3. Activities undertaken with undue rapidity result in extraneously discarded product.
4. Before using your dental apparatus to separate a section from the mass to be consumed, be sure the desired portion is within your ability to masticate.
5. a) Cease perambulating in a forward manner!
b) Utilize organs of vision to assess terrain!
c) Employ auditory apparati to detect sounds of approaching possibly dangerous confrontation!
6. An elderly canine is not amenable to the acquisition of education in the performance of dexterous feats.
7. Oral linguistic perspicacity is not economically burdensome.
8. Under no circumstances fracture your lollipop along an axis that is perfectly symmetrical.

Here are the answers. It takes five right to pass.

1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. The early bird catches the worm. 3. Haste makes waste. 4. Don't bite off more than you can chew. 5. a) Stop! b) Look! c) Listen! 6. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. 7. Talk is cheap. 8. Never give a sucker an even break.

And a final piece of advice to our graduates that we all can use: “Make devotion to egocentric individualism an unerroneous objective." (To thine own self be true.).

Congratulations to and may God bless our graduates!

Well, we are in the midst of our Parish Festival at our sister parish of St. Catherine. You are invited out to join the fun. We are open to 11 PM on Saturday Evening and from 12:30 PM to 7 PM on Sunday. There’s food, fun and games, raffles and entertainment. So, if you are looking for something to do this weekend, I’ll be glad to see you there. Take 51 North. It’s about 14 miles from our rectory.