JANUARY 28, 2007

Over the years, I have lived with more than 100 foreign priest-students, from Nigeria, Uganda, Cameroons, Tanzania, Zanzibar, India, Korea and Vietnam among other places. They have had to make many cultural adaptations when they came to America to study.

I constantly have to explain to these priests about generic foods at the supermarket. It is slow going, since few of their countries have anything that resembles what we are so used to in our culture; almost limitless choices and options in consumer goods, mega-stores and multi-brands, and bewildering prices. Usually, I achieve a break-through when I tell them that the point behind generic goods is that they are a bargain. Everybody understands, and loves, a bargain. But sometimes it its hard to decide what a true bargain is. That is why stores have resorted to "unit pricing". This means that they break down into some common measure what the cost of an item is, for comparison.

I like to "unit price" in terms of time: what does something cost per hour? For example, my ticket to a Steeler game is $60, a game lasts 3 hours, therefore, live football is $20 per hour. A first run movies is $10, lasts an average of 2 hours, so movies are $5 per hour. A two-tank boat SCUBA dive leaves the dock at 9:00 am and returns at noon, costing $75 for the air-fill and the trip, making SCUBA $25 per hour as a hobby. A Braodway play ticket is $120 for a 3 hour performance: $40 per hour; a rock concert, $75 and if it is 3 hours long as well, then $25 is the per hour cost, the same as SCUBA

A meal at a good retaurant often costs $25 per person, and it takes about 1 1/2 hours to eat, thereby amounting to $17 an hour. A quickie meal at a fast food restaurant is about $5, but takes less than 1/2 hour, totaling then $10 an hour to dine. A 50 cent candy bar takes 5 minutes to consume, $6 an hour to eat candy. A cigarette is 30 cents, takes 4 minutes to smoke: $4.50 per hour to indulge in a bad habit.

The IRS allows expenses for automobile use at 40 cents per mile. If you drive at the legal Pennsylvania limit of 55 mph, a car trip is $22 per hour. A round trip super saver air fare to Florida from Pittsburgh is $350 and it takes 2 1/2 hours each way, making a plane ride $70 per hour. A Greyhound bus ticket to New York from Pittsburgh is $99 and takes 11 hours, making the bus a mere $9 per hour. A tuxedo for a wedding rents for $125, if you wear it for 10 hours counting the reception, it is $12.50 an hour.

This is Catholic Schools Week. The in-parish tuition for a single student paid by their parents for next year, is $2600. The school year is by law 180 days long. The school day is 8:30 am to 2:30 pm. That makes the cost of a Catholic education $2.40 per hour. For this, our students learn to: read; write; do arithmetic; distinguish right from wrong; treat others with respect; have a feeling of self-worth; place everything they see, hear and do in the context of a Christian-Catholic value system; discipline themselves and delay gratification, especially in the interest of the common good; dress appropriately; be polite; operate a computer; and a million and one other things that I have no room to list. In short, they are taught to "grow in wisdom, age and grace."

Now, look at the per unit cost, and at the life history of our graduates, and you tell me: is Catholic education a bargain, or what?