February 17, 2008

This week a parishioner from a former parish told me he was celebrating the 13th anniversary of quitting smoking. He attributed it to a Lenten Pastor’s Corner I had written in 1995 and asked if I could repeat it in the hope of inspiring others. Here it is. Too bad I couldn’t do as well for myself. What is the saying? “Physician, cure thyself!”

I kid myself that I am not really hooked. After all, I no longer buy them by the carton, only one or two packs at a time. I do not smoke the same brand, but rather try to change from pack to pack. I get lights or even ultra-lights whenever possible (although always menthol). And I won't pay full price. I wait for specials like two-for-one. Or use coupons. And if I don't find them, then I do without. (Actually, what I do is go from store to store until I find a discount.)

I am of course talking about cigarettes. After smoking for 17 years, I had given them up for three years but then I resumed again about 18 years ago. I do not want to admit that I am as entrenched in the habit as I was the first time around, so I resort to these subterfuges to assuage my conscience. But my mental fabrication occasionally frays around the edges.

I always look for "bonuses” if I cannot find discounts. I therefore have a drawer full of lighters, Frisbees, sweat bands, notebooks, sunglasses, T-shirts, plastic ice cubes and various and sundry other items that come free with the purchase of two packs of cigarettes. But today I hit a new low. There were no two-for-one offers, I had no coupons, there were no discounts. there was not time to hunt from store to store for a cheaper purchase. And my nerves were too shot to do without. The only bonus being offered was a free make-up application brush with two packs of a brand whose taste I hate - but with a sufficient amount of nicotine to steady my hands. I therefore managed to preserve my principles - and my illusions - by becoming the proud owner of a totally (for me!) useless make-up brush. Such are the ways we rationalize our weaknesses.

During the Lenten season we are called upon to cast aside our ways of sin in penitential preparation for Easter. But what is so hard to cast away is not the sin itself, but rather our self-images , illusions and rationalizations that under gird those sins. We manipulate ourselves into preserving our "principles" even to the point of absurdity. And the days of Lent flow on. But they, like our time in this world, will eventually come to an end. Would it not be better that our sins and illusions end before we do?

(By the way, would anybody like to trade me a cheap pack of ultra-light menthols for a very valuable make-up brush?)

Have a good Lent!